My cousin killed a cat with one stone. He picked up the rock and hurled it with such a determined force that the feline went down without a fight. if that is not heartlessness then my name is not Kennedy Nalyanya!
Maybe there are to sides to this story (there are always two sides). since the cat is not alive to tell the tale, i will tell it from my perspective.
I was perched on top of my favourite guava tree that grew mysteriously next to our leaning toilet that i usually refer to as the tower of Pisa. i was swallowing away the guava seeds in a very hungry fashion. In my defence, for those who might be tempted to critic my feeding habit, i had waited for this month of the year when the guavas are just about to turn yellow. You have to get them at this stage before the birds discover this delicacy. Enough with my agricultural expertise. Where was i? Right, at the top of the tree munching away guava seeds....
So i was perched between two strong branches enjoying this God sent fruit when something flashed under the tree. I hugged one of the branches in fright, fighting to remain as still as a cold corpse. It might have been a snake. you don't move when there is a snake in the area otherwise i would have gladly done so! Everything was so quiet. I think i peed a little. (it happens to everyone, do not judge me!)
there it passed again. This time my biological sense discerned that this was a rat. a very big white and black cat... or was it? It was at this point that my cousin saved me from the tedious task of identifying the creature.
"Arrest that cat!" He screamed in Bukusu, the language of the people from my village. all this while he was waving a cooking stick wildly above his head. He was jumping up and down like a possessed donkey (I have seen a possessed donkey!) This dance was accompanied by some words which are only uttered when a traditional circumcision ceremony has gone wrong.
Something bad happens when these words are uttered.
Still hugging the tree, i decided to help. I can be a really good negotiator when put to the task. i remember solving a huge dispute between the woman who makes bad alcohol and the county women representative. It was a big case that one.
Moving on with our story, i decided to help and immediately wished i had not!
"I think it has gone under that bush..." my heartless cousin did not let me finish my well intended sentence. A cooking stick caked in hot ugali locked me squarely on the nose sending me headfirst to the ground. that is not the worst part: my shorts were hooked at the top of the tree leaving me naked from the waist downwards. And I landed on the cat! This time I am sure I peed.
"There it is!" My bad cousin shouted adding the wicked circumcision sentence while hurling a brick which landed directly to where the ugali coated cooking stick had previously visited. Without even apologizing, my cruel cousin reached for a king sized rock, bigger than Chipkeezy's head. he hurled it; it missed me by two inches (I measured0. The next thing I know I was lying next to a dead cat.
The other side of the story is short and precise. I got it from my cousin as he picked up his cooking stick. Without even looking at me he offered the explanation: "IT LICKED MY SOUP."
Maybe there are to sides to this story (there are always two sides). since the cat is not alive to tell the tale, i will tell it from my perspective.
I was perched on top of my favourite guava tree that grew mysteriously next to our leaning toilet that i usually refer to as the tower of Pisa. i was swallowing away the guava seeds in a very hungry fashion. In my defence, for those who might be tempted to critic my feeding habit, i had waited for this month of the year when the guavas are just about to turn yellow. You have to get them at this stage before the birds discover this delicacy. Enough with my agricultural expertise. Where was i? Right, at the top of the tree munching away guava seeds....
So i was perched between two strong branches enjoying this God sent fruit when something flashed under the tree. I hugged one of the branches in fright, fighting to remain as still as a cold corpse. It might have been a snake. you don't move when there is a snake in the area otherwise i would have gladly done so! Everything was so quiet. I think i peed a little. (it happens to everyone, do not judge me!)
there it passed again. This time my biological sense discerned that this was a rat. a very big white and black cat... or was it? It was at this point that my cousin saved me from the tedious task of identifying the creature.
"Arrest that cat!" He screamed in Bukusu, the language of the people from my village. all this while he was waving a cooking stick wildly above his head. He was jumping up and down like a possessed donkey (I have seen a possessed donkey!) This dance was accompanied by some words which are only uttered when a traditional circumcision ceremony has gone wrong.
Something bad happens when these words are uttered.
Still hugging the tree, i decided to help. I can be a really good negotiator when put to the task. i remember solving a huge dispute between the woman who makes bad alcohol and the county women representative. It was a big case that one.
Moving on with our story, i decided to help and immediately wished i had not!
"I think it has gone under that bush..." my heartless cousin did not let me finish my well intended sentence. A cooking stick caked in hot ugali locked me squarely on the nose sending me headfirst to the ground. that is not the worst part: my shorts were hooked at the top of the tree leaving me naked from the waist downwards. And I landed on the cat! This time I am sure I peed.
"There it is!" My bad cousin shouted adding the wicked circumcision sentence while hurling a brick which landed directly to where the ugali coated cooking stick had previously visited. Without even apologizing, my cruel cousin reached for a king sized rock, bigger than Chipkeezy's head. he hurled it; it missed me by two inches (I measured0. The next thing I know I was lying next to a dead cat.
The other side of the story is short and precise. I got it from my cousin as he picked up his cooking stick. Without even looking at me he offered the explanation: "IT LICKED MY SOUP."
ha ha ha ha refreshingly dramatic and comic.
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