I did not know I was under arrest until Jesse the sub chief pissed on his old khaki shorts while at the same time crying like a little boy. Jesse is our sub chief and I am proud to have shared a cell with him. Dont get me wrong, I am not happy at all that I was arrested. Before I go any further, I just want to state that Mututho is a real person, as real as "his" laws. I had faithfully gone to pick my girlfriend from Murenju Bar where reports said that she was drunk as a fish and her high heels had fallen in a pit latrine. Another piece of advice, if your heels fall in a pit latrine, let them go.
So before going to Murenju I decided to pass by the sub chief's premises to collect some back up. One has to be prepared for such missions.
Mzee Jesse took his sweet time to go inside his official regalia, a white long sleeved shirt (I suspect it was originally white because, like everything else in his abode, was dirty), an old khaki short, a thick pair of beige socks whose torn parts were hidden in a pair of shoes that were originally gumboots. The upper part of the gumboots were cleverly cut off by some genius whom I suspect was Jesse's son, Wekhomba.
Where was I? yeah, at Jesse's house collecting backup.
"Nalyanya do not worry. I handle cases like these every night!" The good sub chief assured me. There was something about his heavy Luhya accent that added confidence to his words.
"So I hear your girlfriend is a regular at Murenju's!" He chuckled. Like his shirt, his teeth too were originally white; but not at present! "My son tells me that she even has a table there... is that true?"
It is embarrasing to have such girlfriends. What is even more annoying is that I had met MJ (Those are her initials) during a Bible study session. Like any other good christian girl, MJ was hard to get. It took me countless prayer sessions and Bible verses in equal measure just to get her into a restaurant! How she resorted to this disgusting habit of drinking , dropping her heels in latrines then trying to retrieve them is a long story...
Back to the events that led the sub chief and I behind bars.... I had to endure the lecture on dating, courtship and marriage all the way to Murenju's. We needed not to be directed to where the ladies was, MJ was screaming at the top of her voice you would have thought she had dropped her bad liver inside there. There was a small crowd of potbellies watching the scene. The guy who had called me was busy receiving blows to the face as he fought to restrain my violent girlfriend.
Jesse took me completely by surprise when he gave birth to a five feet whip from somewhere within his sub chief uniform. The effect was impressive, miraculous I dare say. the wine in their systems immediately turned into water and all openings at Murenju's were converted into emergency exits! some fool even pulled the fire alarm!
It was after Jesse, MJ and I were thrown at the back of the Uasin Gishu county Police pick up did we realise that the drunk folk down at Murenju's were not running away from Jesse's whip. It was 11:01pm. Mututho.
you can find this article at kenyawriting.com too.
So before going to Murenju I decided to pass by the sub chief's premises to collect some back up. One has to be prepared for such missions.
Mzee Jesse took his sweet time to go inside his official regalia, a white long sleeved shirt (I suspect it was originally white because, like everything else in his abode, was dirty), an old khaki short, a thick pair of beige socks whose torn parts were hidden in a pair of shoes that were originally gumboots. The upper part of the gumboots were cleverly cut off by some genius whom I suspect was Jesse's son, Wekhomba.
Where was I? yeah, at Jesse's house collecting backup.
"Nalyanya do not worry. I handle cases like these every night!" The good sub chief assured me. There was something about his heavy Luhya accent that added confidence to his words.
"So I hear your girlfriend is a regular at Murenju's!" He chuckled. Like his shirt, his teeth too were originally white; but not at present! "My son tells me that she even has a table there... is that true?"
It is embarrasing to have such girlfriends. What is even more annoying is that I had met MJ (Those are her initials) during a Bible study session. Like any other good christian girl, MJ was hard to get. It took me countless prayer sessions and Bible verses in equal measure just to get her into a restaurant! How she resorted to this disgusting habit of drinking , dropping her heels in latrines then trying to retrieve them is a long story...
Back to the events that led the sub chief and I behind bars.... I had to endure the lecture on dating, courtship and marriage all the way to Murenju's. We needed not to be directed to where the ladies was, MJ was screaming at the top of her voice you would have thought she had dropped her bad liver inside there. There was a small crowd of potbellies watching the scene. The guy who had called me was busy receiving blows to the face as he fought to restrain my violent girlfriend.
Jesse took me completely by surprise when he gave birth to a five feet whip from somewhere within his sub chief uniform. The effect was impressive, miraculous I dare say. the wine in their systems immediately turned into water and all openings at Murenju's were converted into emergency exits! some fool even pulled the fire alarm!
It was after Jesse, MJ and I were thrown at the back of the Uasin Gishu county Police pick up did we realise that the drunk folk down at Murenju's were not running away from Jesse's whip. It was 11:01pm. Mututho.
you can find this article at kenyawriting.com too.
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