Akaranga has been in a bad mood since 2007. that is the year he lost his left shoe. He preffered not to call them shoes but rather "army boots". He swore by his missing incisors that those were the very pair he wore during the maumau war! Believe me, Akaranga's parents had not even met during the fight for independence. I remember him as a teenager whe he would bully the urine out of our bladders!
Ask anyone who knew Akaranga well and they would tell you he was the kind of drunkard that drunkards called drunkard! On the fateful day that Akaranga lost his left shoe, he was seen swinging into Mama Perpetual's den already high on something. Now, Mama Perpetual was an alcohol vendor. the people from my village proudly refered to her brew as "poison". Poison was a concoction of fermented porridge, sour milk, ethanol and formalin. Where she got the latter ingredient is still a mystery to the Criminal Investigation Department. Though it is common knowledge to the people from my village that Perpetual works at a mortuary in Eldoret.
So Akaranga had swung into Mama Perpetual's den loaded with cash. Since politicians were careless with money during the campaigns in 2007, Akaranga had stumbled upon a handsome amount from one of the presidential candidates (whom he did not vote for!). He immediately announced his presence.
"Leo tutakunywa mpaka kuku warudi nyumbani! (tody we shall drink till the roosters return home!)" This announcement was received with jibilant circumcision songs from the already drunk patrons. The brew was downed in his name. An old man even swore that he had witness Akaranga killing a colonialist's dog with his teeth, a compliment which Akaranga accepted by buying the old chap another round.
Akaranga had gotten really drunk when he decided to entertain Mama Perpetual's customers with one of his far-fetched maumau tales. As he was animating how he had kicked one colonial army general on the back, his left shoe shot off an literaly disappeared in the thin air! That is how the party ended!
"Someone had better produce my army boots or I go fetch my maumau gun!"
Nobody had ever lain eyes on this feared "maumau gun" that Akaranga apparently possesed. but somehow the people from my village believed iot existed and nobody dared challanged the man after he mentioned it!
A shoe hunting committee was quickly formed and a seasrch began. The shoe was searched till the roosters returned home!
The reason I write this story is because the revered left army boot was found yesterday. it was resting at the bottom of Mama Perpetual's brewing tank. We ceremoniously returned it to Akaranga's compound and intended to throw a bash but he mentioned the maumau gun! Nobody has ever asked how the shoe stayed in the tank for all those years, except one old guy who attributed his newly found wife-beating techniques to the added flavor of Akaranga's left shoe to their favorite brew!
Ask anyone who knew Akaranga well and they would tell you he was the kind of drunkard that drunkards called drunkard! On the fateful day that Akaranga lost his left shoe, he was seen swinging into Mama Perpetual's den already high on something. Now, Mama Perpetual was an alcohol vendor. the people from my village proudly refered to her brew as "poison". Poison was a concoction of fermented porridge, sour milk, ethanol and formalin. Where she got the latter ingredient is still a mystery to the Criminal Investigation Department. Though it is common knowledge to the people from my village that Perpetual works at a mortuary in Eldoret.
So Akaranga had swung into Mama Perpetual's den loaded with cash. Since politicians were careless with money during the campaigns in 2007, Akaranga had stumbled upon a handsome amount from one of the presidential candidates (whom he did not vote for!). He immediately announced his presence.
"Leo tutakunywa mpaka kuku warudi nyumbani! (tody we shall drink till the roosters return home!)" This announcement was received with jibilant circumcision songs from the already drunk patrons. The brew was downed in his name. An old man even swore that he had witness Akaranga killing a colonialist's dog with his teeth, a compliment which Akaranga accepted by buying the old chap another round.
Akaranga had gotten really drunk when he decided to entertain Mama Perpetual's customers with one of his far-fetched maumau tales. As he was animating how he had kicked one colonial army general on the back, his left shoe shot off an literaly disappeared in the thin air! That is how the party ended!
"Someone had better produce my army boots or I go fetch my maumau gun!"
Nobody had ever lain eyes on this feared "maumau gun" that Akaranga apparently possesed. but somehow the people from my village believed iot existed and nobody dared challanged the man after he mentioned it!
A shoe hunting committee was quickly formed and a seasrch began. The shoe was searched till the roosters returned home!
The reason I write this story is because the revered left army boot was found yesterday. it was resting at the bottom of Mama Perpetual's brewing tank. We ceremoniously returned it to Akaranga's compound and intended to throw a bash but he mentioned the maumau gun! Nobody has ever asked how the shoe stayed in the tank for all those years, except one old guy who attributed his newly found wife-beating techniques to the added flavor of Akaranga's left shoe to their favorite brew!
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