2014 IN THE VILLAGE TOILET!

I am not proud of the fact that I spent part of 2013 and 2014 inside a village toilet! on that note let me wish you a happy new year!

 

My prayer has always been never to get pressed in the village. My fear of the village toilet supersedes that of snakes! And god knows I fear snakes.

The village toilet is one that leaves you with so many options on how to use it, none of the numerous options is comfortable.  First and foremost, the village toilet is cold. Were it not for the hygiene factor, one can preserve milk inside there. The main reason for these unfriendly low temperatures is the worn out sack that serves as the door. The problem with this kind of door is that it only covers the face of the user and not the fundamental parts that make the toilet a private room…

You certainly do not want to visit the village toilet on a windy day. This is because the sack that covers the little privacy you could afford will be flapping about furiously! To save yourself from the embarrassment that could ensue, you have to hold the sack with both your hands. Woe unto you if the small hole is far away from the ‘door’ or worse, if your hands are short!

Tissue paper does not come easy in the village… people have to be creative. If you are lucky enough to visit a rich man’s toilet, you will have to make do with old pieces of newspapers. Now, I got no issues with this form of paper, but won’t you find it weird to ”serve” yourself with an obituary page? If I was a ghost, I would haunt you for life if you used the page am on in this manner!

If you visit a poor man’s toilet in the village, please do not question the plantation that has grown inside this all important structure, the green leafs are means for you. If I owned a village toilet, I would plant a poisonous plant next to it just for fun when a visitor uses its leaves as tissue paper… yeah. Am a sadist!

I was surprised when I spotted a jembe in one of the village toilet. Upon inquiry, Wakukha, my cousin to whom the toilet belonged explained graphically that it was for “the mess afterwards just in case” Judging from the size, the temperature and the type of door the village toilet has, a mess is bound to happen!