Have you ever been cornered at a club or in the school playground by some muscles coated bullies and did not know what to do apart from wetting your pants? well, me neither but i care about defenseless human beings on this planet. Pay attention, I am going to teach you some classified techniques that I have learnt both from experience and the movies I have watched. Here is a list of SIX WAYS TO INJURE YOUR SWORN ENEMY (some classified stuff for those who don't know KARATE)!
#6. PINCH THE GUY WITH A SAMBAZA IN A MATATU.
Kenyans in the house know what I am talking about. First and foremost convince your worst enemy to sit strategically on that lonely chair behind the conductor. Then talk to a heavy woman, preferably one who sells chips mwitu in the market to be the last one to board the mat. As she is shoving and shifting through the narrow space, place the illegal piece of wood famously known as "sambaza" such that the enemy's thigh is sandwiched between the wood and the seat. Let Physics do the rest as our female accomplice heavily lands on the sambaza. Clever huh?
#5. STEP ON HIS SMALL TOE.
We all know how that little bastard can hurt! The small toe should be classified as a vestigial organ. You tell me one use of the little toe and I will give you money! That is besides the point... we are on a mission here... So step on the guy's little toe. this would be more effective if you are wearing heels. If you are not a wearer of heels, you can convince your girlfriend or someone of the fair gender who also hates the guy in question, to do it for you. Remember: make it look like an accident... otherwise it is just rude to walk up to a guy and step on his little toe with your high heels.
#4. THROW A 40 BOB COIN BETWEEN THE EYES, RIGHT ABOVE THE NOSE.
The Kenyan 40 bob coin is the heaviest money since 1963. Why between the eyes? Apart from hurting as hell, this spot will blind our enemy momentarily without damaging his eyes. this gives you a chance to run like the wind. If you are lucky, the victim might even nose bleed! Let no one lie to you that he will catch you later on, just make sure he does not see you when you stand directly in front of him as you hurl the money at him.
#3. PUT A THUMB-PIN ON HIS CHAIR.
You know this one... especially if it is a classmate or office-mate... just make sure the pointed part is facing upwards. You can choose to remain in the room and sadistically enjoy the drama that would ensue... or leave and hear the story later. I suggest you leave so that you look innocent. This is also a nice one to play on the class teacher.
#2.SERVE HIM HOT SWEET POTATOES
To pull this off, you must first declare a fake truce, you know, like what happened between Gaza and Israel? Invite the bully for breakfast. This will lure the big guy into a false sense of security. While you are laughing and joking at how he used to harass you, sweet potatoes should be boiling. Serve when its steaming hot and insist on the fact that it has to be consumed in a hurry. Sit back and watch as the tough guy debates on whether to spit or swallow!
#1. WAIT TILL HE RIGS AN ELECTION, BECOME PRESIDENT, GO TO A RALLY, THEN WHEN HE STARTS GIVING HIS SPEECH,THROW STONES AT HIM!
Or a rotten egg! Classic!
#6. PINCH THE GUY WITH A SAMBAZA IN A MATATU.
Kenyans in the house know what I am talking about. First and foremost convince your worst enemy to sit strategically on that lonely chair behind the conductor. Then talk to a heavy woman, preferably one who sells chips mwitu in the market to be the last one to board the mat. As she is shoving and shifting through the narrow space, place the illegal piece of wood famously known as "sambaza" such that the enemy's thigh is sandwiched between the wood and the seat. Let Physics do the rest as our female accomplice heavily lands on the sambaza. Clever huh?
#5. STEP ON HIS SMALL TOE.
We all know how that little bastard can hurt! The small toe should be classified as a vestigial organ. You tell me one use of the little toe and I will give you money! That is besides the point... we are on a mission here... So step on the guy's little toe. this would be more effective if you are wearing heels. If you are not a wearer of heels, you can convince your girlfriend or someone of the fair gender who also hates the guy in question, to do it for you. Remember: make it look like an accident... otherwise it is just rude to walk up to a guy and step on his little toe with your high heels.
#4. THROW A 40 BOB COIN BETWEEN THE EYES, RIGHT ABOVE THE NOSE.
The Kenyan 40 bob coin is the heaviest money since 1963. Why between the eyes? Apart from hurting as hell, this spot will blind our enemy momentarily without damaging his eyes. this gives you a chance to run like the wind. If you are lucky, the victim might even nose bleed! Let no one lie to you that he will catch you later on, just make sure he does not see you when you stand directly in front of him as you hurl the money at him.
#3. PUT A THUMB-PIN ON HIS CHAIR.
You know this one... especially if it is a classmate or office-mate... just make sure the pointed part is facing upwards. You can choose to remain in the room and sadistically enjoy the drama that would ensue... or leave and hear the story later. I suggest you leave so that you look innocent. This is also a nice one to play on the class teacher.
#2.SERVE HIM HOT SWEET POTATOES
To pull this off, you must first declare a fake truce, you know, like what happened between Gaza and Israel? Invite the bully for breakfast. This will lure the big guy into a false sense of security. While you are laughing and joking at how he used to harass you, sweet potatoes should be boiling. Serve when its steaming hot and insist on the fact that it has to be consumed in a hurry. Sit back and watch as the tough guy debates on whether to spit or swallow!
#1. WAIT TILL HE RIGS AN ELECTION, BECOME PRESIDENT, GO TO A RALLY, THEN WHEN HE STARTS GIVING HIS SPEECH,THROW STONES AT HIM!
Or a rotten egg! Classic!
