FORGET IEBC.. I GOT 2017 COVERED!

The only system of election I trust is "Rock-paper-scissors". It is one that Uhuru cannot rig and Raila cannot contest when he loses! I do not see the point of voting... after all, your vote does not count; IEBC does. So t make life easier, let us do away with IEBC, since they are simply kids in soiled diapers waiting to be told who to swear in, and let us bring in the all efficient, all trusted, good old rock-paper-scissors. This is how it will go down: We bring Raila Amolo Odinga and Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta on live television (all the other stupid thieves-cum-politicians who call themselves presidential candidates locked somewhere where they can follow the elections on TV like the rest of us) We then get a refferee, someone from a good family who has an experience in Gor Mahia-AFC Leopards officiating, and one rich enough not to be bribed by Uhuru and the Kiambu mafia... We then get Larry Madowo of NTV who will have a panel of experts to explain to Kenyans why rock crushes scissors, why scissors cuts paper and more especially how paper beats rock by covering it. Surely this will take only hours to prepare and would be very cheap! I could even sponsor it! We then give the two presidential candidates thirty minutes to go over the rock-paper-scissors concept since I have a feeling it might be a bit difficult to conceptualize... you will be surprised by our politicians. When all are ready, the ref blows his whistle and three seconds later we have a president!.... or a run off... we do it again in case of a run off.. eventually Uhuru's scissors will cut Raila's paper, Raila will conceed defeat but he will take us to  referendum where we shall amend the constitution to make the paper cutt the scissors and patiently wait for 2022! PROBLEM=SOLVED!!!

GHOST PASSENGERS

Meet the ghost passengers of Embakasi... These are industrious men and women of this country who clad themselves in smart suits each morning and head to the city center. Their sole purpose in life is to create the illusion that the matatu is almost full especially during off peak hours. the squad of about eight usually sits patiently in the matatu while the engine is running. You will board the vehicle thinking that your journey is about to begin. Woo unto you; afterr about two minutes, one of the ghost passengers will alight... the drill continues until the eight Kenyans who had no intentions of going to Embakasi are replaced by eight other innocent travellers like you! By then you would have wasted about an hour of your life in which two buses that you were tempted to board have already left the stage.

 And the drivers are not any better. They keep raving the engine while moving the loud matatu back and forth... each time you hope they are about to go. And God help the touts who are always shouting for a whole hour "NAFASI YA WAWILI! NAFASI YA WAWILI!" passengers