“Man saw colors and invented paint. Woman got inspired by paint and invented
makeup. Man coined words and invented conversation. Woman got inspired by
conversation and invented gossip. Man learned agriculture and invented food.
Woman got inspired from food and invented diet. Man discovered friendship and
invented love. Woman got inspired from love and invented love triangles. Man
discovered trading and invented money. Woman got inspired from money and
invented shopping… that’s it! Thereafter, man has invented many things and
women are still shopping!”
This goes out to all men out there who take their girlfriends
to shop for hair. Before I continue, let me state that I have nothing against
weaves or any other hairy implants. My friend Manyasi told me that those
artificial hairs come from an indian kinyozi, they are packaged well then send
to Africa for financial purposes. I like indians and I like hair too. In short
I do not mind the weave… but that does not mean I like shopping for them!
Take yesterday for instance; my sister had tricked me to go
shopping with her.we were welcomed by hot air decorated with all mixtures of
perfume. Someone must have been burning something back there! The room was disturbingly pink. It was almost
noon, the sun was generous enough to light up the place but some genius saw it
better to light it up, complete with disco lights! it was like entering the
Hair kingdom where all the women had arrived to worship the hair queen! My
heart beat my ribcage with such determination; it wanted to get out of here…
Before I hatched my escape plan, a lady with all exaggerated
body parts suddenly appeared and gapped my left arm. She wrestled her way through
the sea of ladies. The staff of Moses would have done me good at this moment! I
was sweating (like everyone else) by the
time we reached our destination!
“si hii ni skin tone ya Sabina?” (isn’t this Sabina’s skin
tone) she inquired pulling my skin towards a gang of women for inspection.
“ni hiyo exactly!” a lady who looked trapped behind a drier
shouted over the noise of boiling water next to her. “I think that Darling
number 203 will be good for her” with that, the big lady shoved me out of the
shop, my job was over.. I was calculating on how I would break out if this hairdom but luck was not on my
side… I bumped into my sister.
“Which one do you think I should buy?” now I have no
knowledge of hair!
“Darling number 203” I said with such confidence.
“nope.” I was dismissed. The next three hours looked like centuaries!
At some point I even thought I had missed the 2017 election and my 24th
birthday! Here is another thing I learnt, if left to choose, women do not know
what they want! Imagine my dismay when she finally picked DARLING 203 on it was written “enhance your beauty”
I wanted to punch her on the nose!
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