PATRICIA (part one of five)

Patricia is a man
He stinks of sweat weed and cheap ciggerates
He has three girlfriends and doesn't care for any of them
He hates them. But he loves hatred
He always smiles at them
But not with his eyes.

 Patricia has a deep voice and is always excited.
Patricia smiles with his lips and teeth but not with his eyes.
His eyes glitter with pain and anger and horrors of his nightmares
But he loves his eyes.
He enjoys burning people with his steady gaze.

Patricia hears voices
Screaming at him to die
Screaming at him to box the walls and play with razors
The voices are his own, drumming the insides of his skull in mockery
Cry
Patricia cannot cry. That will ruin his black eye-liner

Patricia loves bleeding
His blood is always warm
Patricia loves playing with razors on his wrist
And bask in the buzzing pain vibrating in his left arm
He loves the tickling of warm blood streaming down his arm
They make him smile... sometimes laugh
But not with his eyes.

Patricia loves laughing
He will laugh at anything.
At how pretty his angry eyes are
At how he dreams of being stabbed in the stomach
Or taking a bullet through his head

He laughs at his speedy funeral
No coffins
Washed bathed in fresh water and wrapped in white sheets.
Patricia wants to be hurried before 4 o'clock, within 10 hours of his death
He laughs. Never with his eyes

Patricia wants to take over
Patricia is the joker
Patricia is the man
He does what he wants


He loves to laugh not with his eyes 
Patricia is a man.