Thursday 11 July 2013

WHY I WILL NEVER SHAVE AGAIN USING A RAZOR BLADE!

Hairstyles are the in thing currently in my village. Gone are the days when the standard shaving style was a jordan, where every hair on your head was liquidized. The more enlightened folks in the village would go with the famous "bakisha kidogo" (leave a little hair). the downright spoilt ones would go with a "box" otherwise known as "punk". Those were the bad examples of the village and form one dropouts.
My mother however, has a bad idea of shaving. Where ingredients like salt and avocados are involved in shaving one's head is just inhuman. It is a family ritual that all male members of the family get rid of their hair every fortnight. This of course is with the exception of my father.
EXTERMINATION
the process begins with the washing of the head. A stone is used to scrap off any living thing that is present in the head and a stick to remove the non-living ones. Boiling salted water is then run through the thoroughly washed head just to make sure the extermination is successful.
UNDRESSING
For some strange reason, we were always naked before the shaving began. The idea, my loving mother explained, was not to dirtify the shirt. those were the days when a small boy did not require to wear anything below the waist. As long as the shirt was long enough to cover the important areas, we were good to go... until we were forced to strip during the shaving. And do i need that the shaving was done in public. Apparently the lighting indoor was was not favorable for my mother's shaving skills!
THE AVOCADO
Imagine my excitement when my mother sends my sister to buy ten avocados.. obviously i sharpen my appetite and make a mental note not to steal guavas from our neighbor's orchard. Come the shaving time and my hopes are dashed. Each one of us is smeared with two avocados on the head. The reasoning is to soften the hair. I still object to the use of food in this manner! (hujuma!)
THE BLADE!!
This is why we had a fight with my father at the age of eight when he tried to explain the concept of circumcision to me. I was never good under razor blades! The blade was passed only once, taking with it my hair and pieces of my scalp! nerves and capillaries were not spared. We dared not shed a tear just in case we got a thrashing from crying!
THE BABY POWDER
After our heads looked like the bottom of a calabash, the baby powder was introduced in not such a soft manner. it was slapped on our heads with astonishing    sharpness. this was to kill the germs that the blade had introduced and also heal the wounds we had acquired in the process.
TIPTOP
This specific brand of petroleum jelly was smeared generously leaving our heads shining like disco lights!
though i appreciate my mothers expertise in the barber industry, I will never shave again using a razor blade! not even my beards!

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