Wednesday 26 June 2013

THE SHORT JOURNEY OF A CHICKEN THIEF!

From the very first glance you throw at him, something will tell you that there is something really odd about Embeywa. Born and raised at the banks of River Nzoia, the boy has mastered the art of  chicken stealing. Were it a degree, he would have been the proud owner of an M.Sc. Poultry stealing!
His escapades started way back in 2000, at the dawn of the new millenium when he dropped out of class two. At age seven, with no role model other than his uncle Waliaula the cockrell (who had impregnated half of the village), Embeywa had no other person to look up to.
His journey to the life of crime kicked off one hungry afternoon. The sun was on fire up there, making the empty stomach more empty! (that thing in physics about heat and expansion...). Embeywa was yawning as if he had been sent. He wished he was one of the birds in the air... those freaks dont labour or anything, they just wake up and eat! Or the neighbor's cows being zero grazed, what was the deal with them? just to sit there and be fattened? Or his uncle's chicken.... wait!
That was the birth of a bad idea! Embeywa looked longingly at the clucking hen in front of him. He had a decision to make. It was like having a hot potato in your mouth and you start debating whether to spit or swallow.... Good Embeywa decided to swallow. He took the bull by its horns, or in this case the chicken by its neck. You always go for the neck otherwise the bird will scream like a woman facing a handbag snatcher (story for another day). After ripping off the hen's head out of hunger, anger and panic, Embeywa roasted the big bird, kick starting his career in chicken stealing that would later land him in trouble.
So  our story begins while we were gossiping about our new governor in the shopping center. My friend Pascal, who claims to have taught at the Kenya school of Law was busy misquoting our good constitution when something whized past us leaving behind a trail of red feathers. While we were still nursing our confusion, a generously sized lady flew on the same route in an equally terrifying pace. After a second or two, a crowd of market people rampaged, on the same route singing war songs. this was no new scenario, a thief was being chased! You would have been a fool not to have joined in the chase! This was not only  an opportunity to catch up with old friends whom you had not seen for some time but also a chance to pick the pockets of strangers!
After hours of serious chasing and not knowing where we were, i finaly caught a glimpse of the thief. As you might have guessed by now, it was good old Embeywa, sweating like no ones business with a headless red chicken under his armpits!
We caught up with him. At this point it is important to mention that the generously sized lady did not get her hen back. Both the hen and Embeywa are victims of mob (in)justice.

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